How serious are college application essays supposed to be?

This is probably a dumb question with an obvious answer, but I’m straddling the border between sleep deprived mess and full on anxiety attack. How “serious” (as in tone, content, etc) are college app essays supposed to be? I tend to skew toward the more quirky, overly verbose, sarcastic side in my essays and I’m pretty sure every college admission person is going to read the first sentence, decide I’m not taking the prompt seriously, and chunk my essay, along with my dreams, in the dingy trash can with the rest of the rejects. Help is greatly appreciated!

i’ve heard opposing viewpoints on the issues and will try to clarify the situation. Usually if you are applying to a very high ranked school if you just talk about grades and all you accomplished it is not good because the people there have done more. My friend got into Harvard by being brutally honest and actually cursing in the esaay (he used asterisks in place of the word). Just be honest and tell who you are.

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