Anxiety Eyes
how can I deal with my social anxiety at work?
I’m six months pregnant right now so perscriptions are out of the question. My midwife says I shouldn’t be taking any anti-depressants or anything like that. But my boss put me on the cash register full time. It’s really hard for me to look people in the eyes, talk to them, and even associate with them. I feel as though they’re trying to pick out my flaws or something. A lot of them get really impatient with me. When these things happen, I start to get nauseated to the point where I have to run to the bathroom. My social anxiety is really getting to me. I’ve never been a people person, but I’m determined to keep this job because I want financial income for this baby. Does anyone know how to cope with social anxiety at work without taking perscrips?
I agree with your midewife – no medication right now – maybe in the future.
I know exactly what you’re talking about. I spent my life too afraid to even ask someone on the street what time it was. I didn’t want to “bother” them with my petty question. I was afraid they’d get upset with me.
What to do? Well, for right now, until the baby is born and until you are finished breastfeeding him/her, you have to deal with it without meds. And the only way to get around the problem is to go through it.
Here’s what I did: I picked people whom I thought I could trust not to get upset with me or put me down. Somebody who seems to be in a good mood – a smiling old timer or young person, and “PRACTICE” on them (kids are great to practice on). It’s the only way you’re gonna get through it. If you were to go to a professional for help, they’d have you do the same thing.
Just start with a smile and a “Hi”. Practice looking them in the eyes when you say it. Then try, “Hi, how are you?” or “Thank you, have a good day!” like you really mean it, always with a smile. Then increase your verbal interaction to some small talk like, “Wow, that’s some nasty / beautiful weather out there today!” or “I use this product at home and I like it”. Make a game of it – try to see if you can pick out the people who you think will be in a good mood, don’t worry about keeping score, and don’t worry about the cranky people for now. When you do run across a crabby person, tell yourself this: “There must be something bad going on in their life right now for them to act like that” or “A kind person wouldn’t act like that” and “That’s about THEM, not me”.
If you do make a mistake and screw something up, tell yourself, “It’s okay – nobody’s perfect, and considering I have a problem with anxiety and people is all the more reason that it is understandable for me to make mistakes. I WILL get through this, I WILL learn my job and be able to do it EASILY some day. I Will get over my social anxiety some day, but I’m okay where and how I am today.”
It is so important that you keep telling yourself AND START BELIEVING that you are okay just the way you are. You don’t have to be perfect, it’s okay to make mistakes, even a lot of mistakes – life is for learning. EVERYONE HAS FLAWS AND EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES. They may be different from yours, but that doesn’t make them any better than you. It could be that their flaw is that they have a crummy personality or no patience or are too judgemental.
I think social anxiety stems from a low self-esteem. I use to tell people, “I don’t have a “low self-esteem”, mine is even lower than than low! On a line of 1 to 10, mine is in the negative numbers!” I had no self-esteem at all and could not look at people or talk to them. I had no friends most of my life. But I was determined to get over it, because it was such a painful way to live AND I didn’t want to teach that fear to my children as my mother had done to me. (I don’t blame her for it, there was no help available back then.) So I just kept practicing and practicing, even when I was scared to death. I had to keep telling myself, “Linda, you’re okay the way you are – you’re good enough – you have some very wonderful aspects about you that make you a very special person – you don’t have to be like everyone else, you only have to be yourself, flaws and all, and that’s good enough.”
Also, try this: If you have any close friends or family that you can talk to, ask them to tell you the good things they see in you. Write them down and read them from time to time. If you don’t have anyone, then YOU make the list. It will be hard at first, but there ARE good things about you and you have to start trying to find them in yourself.
And one more thing, tell yourself (without beating yourself up) that you are about to bring a child into this world and it will be up to YOU to teach that child to have a good self-esteem. It will be up to YOU to teach that child how to interact with others. If you don’t start working on it now, how will you be able to teach your child? I had to keep telling myself this same thing when my children were babies. I was so afraid of people, I didn’t want my children to grow up with that same fear. Yes, its hard, at first, but it works – neither of my children suffer from social anxiety, thank God! Good luck and God bless!
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