Anxiety In Children At School
6 year old boy w/ Asperger’s and ADHD – no friends at school. Help.?
When he gets stressed his odd traits blend with his hyperactivity. It’s like ‘autistic traits on steroids’ when he’s at school and around the other kids. They don’t like him he tells me. Can the school district help him with social interactions? Should they be encouraging others to understand him? I think he feels very alone there and it’s adding to his anxiety.
He has an IEP and a diagnosis, ect. But his social self-esteem with the kids is not so good. For good behavior after several days, the children get to pick a treat from a treasure box. He told me that he got a treat that day – but that a boy in class took it from him! I about cried. He’s not brave enough to say ‘no that’s mine’ or ‘give it back or I’ll tell the teacher’.
Is this the life he’s in for in public school?! To be trampled by the ‘typical kids’? I’m looking for advice from someone who’s watched their kid go through this and what they’ve done about it to make it better. Thanks.
Bullying/teasing/etc. is a huge problem in schools today, not just for our students with Asperger’s & other similar needs, but they are often frequently “targeted.”
There are ways to help teach social skills, but also important is teaching him who is and isn’t a friend (and this isn’t as important now at his age, but will be when he gets a little older). For example, a friend is not going to say mean things to you, ask you to do things that you know are wrong, etc. A good book about these topics is “The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships” by Temple Grandin and Sean Barron. For social skills, try looking up “Social Stories” by Carol Gray.
Does he have a special talent, hobby, or interest? If so, I would encourage him to develop that, because it may help him feel good about himself, and may someday lead to a career. Often people with Asperger’s/Autism have the ability to “hyperfocus” on a topic of interest. Temple Grandin, a college professor with autism, used her special interests and insights to help develop more humane facilities for cattle, for example.
Also, work closely with your child’s teachers to be “on the lookout” for bullying. Teachers are very, very busy, so they may not be aware of the problem, and letting them know may help the situation.
I am so sorry that your son is having these troubles. The students that I have known with Asperger’s syndrome are often so bright and so kind-hearted, it just breaks your heart to see how other students sometimes treat them. I think that, working closely with the school, he could be successful in public school. If you decide to go a different route, I agree with the other persons who recommended Montessori or homeschooling, if these are options for you. Where ever you decide to have him attend school, please let him know that the people who are mean and cruel to him are the ones with the real “problem” or “disability,” not him.
Here are some additional resources that I hope can help you. Best of luck to your family!
Websites:
“Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew” by Ellen Notbohm – http://www.southflorida.com/sfparenting/sfe-sfp-autism,0,6196233.story
“The Discovery of “Aspie” Criteria” ~ What if Asperger’s Syndrome was defined by its strengths? – http://www.thegraycenter.org/sectionsdetails.cfm?id=38
Website of Paula Kluth, Ph.D. – http://www.paulakluth.com/autism.html
Positively Autism (free online magazine) – http://www.positivelyautism.com
Teaching Tips for Children and Adults with Autism by Temple Grandin, Ph.D. – http://www.autism.org/temple/tips.html
Books:
“Your Life is Not a Label: A Guide to Living Fully with Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome” by Jerry Newport
“You’re Going to Love This Kid!: Teaching Students With Autism in the Inclusive Classroom” By Paula Kluth
“Not Even Wrong: Adventures in Autism” By Paul Collins
Any book by Temple Grandin
Helping Kids Deal with Back-to-School Anxiety, Goryeb Children’s Hospital
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