invitro asked:


First, I’m a college-age *male* graduate student; never mind the avatar. Here are some facts:

I’m currently taking Paxil (60 mg/day) and Klonopin (3 mg/day). I see a therapist occasionally, but I don’t like him and plan to find a different one (preferably a young female therapist that knows more about male/female interaction among people of my age).

I’ve been previously diagnosed as having generalized anxiety disorder and social phobia, but I think this (seemingly stronger) diagnosis of “avoidant personality disorder” fits me to a tee. From the diagnostic criteria listed on wikipedia:

> Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection

I definitely avoid all such activities that I can. It has possibly gotten me into some trouble, as I have not attended colloquia or parties given by my (math) department that I was enouraged to attend.

(more details coming…)
oh, wikipedia link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder

> Shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed

Irrelevant, as I have no intimate relationships.

> Is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations

I am certain I will be rejected in all social situations. Does this count as “preoccupied?”

> Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy

I am certain I am inadequate; thus inhibition seems like the logical way to act.

> Views self as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others

Heh. This is where I question psychology. Sure, I view myself as all of these, but it’s also a *fact* that I am socially inept, personally unappealing, and inferior (socially) to others. Why does the definition focus on “views self as” rather than “self is”?
More facts: I have not had a date in 3 years, sex in 4 years, a girlfriend in 5 years. I have had only one long-term girlfriend, and she is my ex-fiancee.

I am not attractive, but I am not ugly. Unfortunately, I was very attractive when I was younger, and so do not find all girls attractive.

More diagnosis from wikipedia:

> Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing

This is actually two things. I suppose I am reluctant to take “personal risks” because I know they will be doomed to failure (which I can handle) but also a cause of disruption in the things-I-have-to-do (which I can’t handle).

I embarrass myself daily (hourly?), so I can’t say that I do not engage in new activities for that reason. Well, ok, new activities would be even more embarrassing, but I’m just trying to keep alive here.

I will answer any questions as fast as I can.

Any advice welcome!
Danny G: glad to have helped. Let me know if you find a successful treatment.
Mark G: let’s see. I am definitely goal-oriented. I am willing to accept the challenge of attending one social function a month for the next three months, except that I am invited to a social function only about once every three months.

Imaging the person I intend to be is difficult. I can clearly image what I *want*: I want a female friend, a female girlfriend even; I want to be able to talk to people that I like, I want people to talk to me, I want to find people who have similar interests and be friends with them. I want to give others what I can give and what they would enjoy getting (most hopefully friendship, but also just helping them out or listening to them). I am having difficulty imaging the person I intend to be without talking about what I want.

I have tried, seemingly constantly, in my life to make these gigantic changes, but with one exception, it has never worked.
tehuskey513: I am not a psychology student; I am a math student. I am thinking about transferring to philosophy or psychology because I am not the best at math (but close)!

I feel that my functioning has been halted since I broke up with my ex-fiancee 6 years ago.

I will find a new therapist “right away” (meaning after final exams are over, in two weeks).

I agree that I am intelligent and articulate, but my experience tells me that no person values those traits other than my professors.

I certainly have ultra-super-low self-esteem, but isn’t that reasonable, given the facts I’ve given you?

Thank you very much for your answer.