Performance Anxiety
How much is male “performance anxiety” driven by personal pride and how much by concern for his partner?
I imagine it’s always a mix and the mix varies, but do you think one tends to predominate?
And are there indicators as to which is a man’s biggest concern?
My own suspicion: when it’s mainly about pride, a man is more likely to become sullen and withdrawn over problems. When it’s mainly about concern for his partner, he’s more likely to be enthusiastic about learning new things and finding new ways to make things mutually enjoyable.
Is that way off?
Performance anxiety is 100% concern for the partner. I mean do you think we want to be good in bed so we can tell our buddies that we are good in bed? Or so that we can walk around town thinking we are the best even though nobody else knows it? No way, we want to be good in bed so that our partner will have no choice but to come back for more, and soon.
As for my reaction to “problems”, I would be sullen and withdrawn when my pride is hurt. But I would be enthusiastic about learning new things and finding was to please my partner. My pride would be hurt if she insulted me. But if she didn’t insult me and just suggested a position or technique I’d be more enthusiastic. So a lot of my reaction would depend on how she broached the subject with me.
So why would anyone have “pride” that is not based on utility I have no idea. Like if someone is really good at fixing shoes, is he happy just because he’s good at something, or because he’s good at something that is useful and that people need and appreciate and come to him for?
And in fact, with sex who is it that determines whether or not you are good at it? Obviously it is not yourself. So it’s kind of impossible to feel like your performance was adequate without her agreeing. The man’s pride is completely dependent on her satisfaction.
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