Social Anxiety: 1/3 Why improving social skills is not the answer
10 July 2010
22 Comments
Watch 2 of 3: www.youtube.com I explain why improving your social skills is not the answer to overcoming Social Phobia or social anxiety. There is a related article on my blog www.socialanxiety.co.uk
You described me exactly Nick. I’m currently reading a book called “Hope and Help for Your Nerves” by Claire Weekes, and I really think it is helping me to change my entire mindset. I recommend it to anyone with anxiety. Thanks for your videos!
@marx7555 Hi, yes, I agree, exposure to social situations does help if you stick at it. My experience is that the change isn’t due to them developing social skills from the exposure, but more that it shows them that their performance (good or bad) won’t cause the severe consequences they thought it would & therefore they’ll enter situations with reduced anxiety which consequentially helps their performance as a side effect. Social skills can then be learnt through the usual trial & error process
Even people who have very severe anxiety are often comfortable talking to a close friend or family member. By forcing yourself to socialize, and yes this can result in A LOT of rejection before you start to get it, you can begin to expand this sphere of comfort to the point that you minimize the psychosomatic effects of SA such as freezing up and memory loss because your body and mind are more acclimated to those situations.
I can relate to other people who say that it isn’t enough because even at the point that I became popular during high school, I still felt inadequate. But this was mainly because I only felt confident in myself when was around my friends and still didn’t have the inner confidence to deal with new or uncertain social situations. The main point of this rant is that you have to approach socializing in a way in which you internalize the positive results in order to create a healthy inner dialog.
A good analogy for this would be how many doctors point out that diet and exercise alone aren’t enough to overcome obesity because of genetic/psychological complications. This partly true, but in reality diet and exercise are always a huge factor and if you eliminate that factor by eating better and working out it makes the other factors more manageable. In the case of SA, lack of social skills are often as much a result of anxiety as a cause which makes it even more important to address.
First off I agree that no matter how social you become SA will always be a factor and that being very self critical is a huge factor of anxiety. However, I have personally found that socializing and forcing yourself into situations that normally provoke your anxiety are important steps in creating the shift in mind set that you need to deal with this problem. It can go badly for the first couple of months/years that you start out but you’ll eventually begin to see a positive change.
You make a lot of sense, I did try to copy people for many many years but now i’ve found out about social anxiety i’m now learning to be myself and am finding out I have different abilities. Going to watch part 2 now. Thanks.
You make a lot of sense, I did try to copy people for many many years but now i’ve found out about social anxiety i’m now learning to be myself and am finding out I have different abilities. Thanks.
Help I was bullied really badly at school (every day, every lesson, never got a break, and this was in sixth form btw) I’m now 19 and I can’t socialize at all.
It has ruined my life and now I’m very depressed!
I have been one of those people that just keeps trying too hard and failing, which makes the SA feeing worse. How crazy to have kept trying the same thing over and over again and not getting anywhere. Thank you Nick.
Pills, therapy, books about the subconcious mind etc you name it.
In my experience I can truly testify that only The Living GOD has healed me.
Medications from doctors helped me a little and it was temporary.
God’s healing power is ETERNAL!
Now Im not an antidepressant pill dependent.
The cure for fear is FAITH!
Fear limits you.
FAITH ENABLES YOU!
People, THE ALMIGHTY GOD IS YOUR ONLY HOPE.
READ THE WORD OF GOD, HAVE FAITH AND OBEY!
God loves you and He wants you to LET HIM…
Its SCARY how much I relate to this. Also incredibly reassuring.
Transcendental Meditation is helping me get over my SA, i still have SA but im losing my fear, my anxiety, TM helps me to relax and so many other things its a wonderful gift really, check it out for yourself
@julescoltrane Many thanks for taking the time to comment
Yes, I far too often hear people suggesting that social skills is the problem
@techfreak15 There have been so many times in the past when it’s felt like I was hitting my head on a nail, good to hear I’m getting it the right way around. Many thanks for your comment
@louisa4561 Really good to hear it helped. Thanks for your comment
@magicalcharlotte It’s mine too. Good to hear you could relate to it. Thanks for commenting
ugh i hate social anxiety.
yeah…vid is on point. up until 6th grade or so i was popular, hung out with people all the time, went out with girls, etc but when i started getting bad anxiety i couldn’t socialize at all anymore. i think everyone who has bad anxiety like this would have great social lives if it wasn’t for this reaction we get around people. cant stand it when people say its because of a lack of social skills…
This is the story of my life…
I found this video to be really helpful and it made me feel much better actually. I’ve been one of those SA suffers who try to copy other people’s good social skills, it hasn’t worked too well! I guess, it’s because i’m trying to be someone else, and can’t pull it off. Anyway, thanks again for this blog : )
I believe sir, you have just “hit the nail on the head” as they say.
Leave your response!
Recent Posts
Recent Comments
Calendar
Pages
Share
Page Rank
Helpful Resources
Tags
Recent Comments
Most Commented
Meta