Aislinn asked:


A sea of black.
That’s all that my eyes could see. All I saw was black, black and more black. Black flowers, black suits, black dresses, black shoes, black handkerchiefs. Everything was black.
Didn’t anyone realize that Jack hated black more than any other person? He was always telling me how I needed more color in my life. How black was boring, and not interesting at all. I never listened to him though.
And now I wish I had.
The priest’s voice floated over my head to everyone behind me. I wasn’t listening to his speech about God and Heaven and how we should not be sad on this day, but “rejoice that our brother was with our Mighty God.” I was too busy lost in my own thoughts, in my own sorrow.
Was it selfish of me to not be happy, but to want him back? Was I being selfish when I wished and prayed that he’d be back with me? I just wanted one more day. One more day to tell him my dreams, one more day to tell him how I was sorry, that I never meant to cause this. Just one more day to tell him how much I loved him.
How much I will always love him.
But I didn’t have one more day though. I didn’t even have an hour, or a minute. Our time was over, and to me, that was the saddest thing on earth. Sadder than any story I’d ever heard. Because he shouldn’t have been the one who was up there. It should have been me.
“…Jack was not only talented, but had many friends. And he loved all his friends dearly, especially his best friend, Melody Daniels.” I looked up at my name, only to find everyone looking at me. The best friend. But I was the one who killed him, wasn’t I? Some friend I am.

My voice was loud in the small car, singing along to the radio. I could still hear Jack laugh though.
“Could you maybe, I don’t know, try and sing on key!” He winced when I only raised the volume to both the song and my voice.
Once the song was over, I smiled at him. “I’m sorry if we all can’t have your angelic voice, choir boy.” Laughing, I rolled down the window, sticking my head out the window and into the rain. “Maybe the people out there will like my voice more than you!” I began to sing again. People on the streets looked over at me. Some laughed, others shook their head. I recognized a few people who waved at me.
“Hey, stop that! You’re going to hurt yourself!” His voice was no longer joking.
I looked at him. “Scared I’ll fall out? Please.” I pushed myself out of the car further, laughing when I heard Jack yell.
That’s when the deer dashed out of the woods in front of us, and my world shattered.

If I just hadn’t asked him to take me out for ice cream. If I had been content with staying home and watching movies, then maybe he wouldn’t be in the casket before me. Maybe if I had just waited till the rain had died down. And then maybe he’d be alive right now, and we’d be at the beach, enjoying a nice summer day.
Thinking over this, I looked up at the sky. It was not a nice summer day, but instead the sky was clouded over. The sun was hiding behind the gray blanket, refusing to share its happiness. The trees were a little less green, and the birds didn’t sing. The world was mourning along with us.
Sitting before me was his black casket, ready to be lowered. I couldn’t help but wonder what he looked like. The doctors had told me at the hospital that he had been badly injured. I was lucky though, they told me. I only had minor injuries. Along with another unwanted problem.
I placed my head in my hands, trying to hide from the world just like the sun was. I thought of all the great times we had enjoyed together. He was the first person I told about my fear of heights. He had been there when I had gotten my ears pierced. Jack was the one who had stayed up all night on the phone with me, the night my father left.
He was the one who knew everything about me.
One single tear, finally free, fell down my cheek, leaving a trail of moisture in its place. It plopped onto my knee, making a tiny puddle. Then another fell, and another and another. Before I knew it, I was silently crying in the midst of that sea of black. Crying for the friend I had lost, and the love I would never have again.

~~~~~~

They were just people. Just like me. But I couldn’t bring myself to go over there and talk to them.
After the funeral finished, we all got in our cars. That was when I allowed my quiet tears to turn to heartbreaking cries that would break even the hardest of hearts. I thought shedding my tears would have made my job a lot easier. But it hadn’t. I was still as frightened as I had been a few hours ago, when I realized that I had to tell them, that they had to know.
Just breathe, I told myself for the hundredth time. One foot in front of the other, I focused on his mother. No one could say that Mrs. Avery didn’t love her son. No one could say that she hadn’t cried from the moment she found out of the terrible accident to this dreadful day. The purp
The purple eye shadow that I knew she loved so much was streaked down her face, only adding to the sorrow that was there.
They were talking to an older couple who I had never seen before. I waited patiently behind them, half listening as the old woman expressed her sympathy, and how her son had died from a drug overdose, and how the thing that kids did today were just so sad.
I wonder what she would say if she knew it was a girl’s fault he was dead.
As Jack’s mom sent them off towards the food, her eyes found mine. In that moment I realized that I was not the only person in the room who had lost their whole world. Jack was an only child, spoiled rotten by his parents. And now they would never see him again.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” I mumbled, my eyes on my open-toed black sandals. I just couldn’t bear to look up at her and see the accusation in her eyes. I expected her to be cold, harsh, or maybe even yell. I didn’t get any of that though.
What I got were warm arms, holding me close. I was still for a moment, before I relaxed and hugged the tiny frail woman back. Her voice was soft in my ear, “It’s just as much your loss as it is mine, sweetie. I know how close you and Jack were.” I could hear the tears in her voice.
Pulling back, I finally looked at Mr. and Mrs. Avery square in the face. I couldn’t help but notice how much Jack had looked like his father. Yet he had his mother’s loving, carefree, and joyful personality.

“Melody!”
A small rock collided with my window, threatening to break the fragile glass. Grumbling, I rolled off my bed and looked out only to see my best friend standing out there, waving his arms to get my attention.
I opened my window, laughing as I yelled down, “what do you want, Jack?” Even from this distance, I could see his eyes light up when he saw me. There was something just so pure about him; it made me happy that he was my friend.
“We’re going out, so come on down!” He waved his car keys in the air, as if he had just won the lottery.
Taking a quick glance over my shoulder, I noticed that it was almost eleven. “It’s late. I have to go to bed. We have school tomorrow.”
But Jack just shook his head. “I have a surprise for you. Come on, one hour won’t kill you!”
Sighing, I went to grab my stuff. He was just so darn persuasive.

He had taken me to this lake I hadn’t been to before. He showed me how the light of the moon reflected just so, lighting up the floating lilies and trees. I had never seen anything quite so beautiful. That was Jack, always finding the beautiful things in the world.
Pulling myself free from memory lane, I looked at the parents of my knight in shinning armor. I had to tell them. Now or never, as the saying went.
“I’m pregnant.”
The room seemed to freeze for a moment. It reminded me of how my mother had reacted, when I told her a few hours before I had left to go to the funeral.
She had stopped moving around, and froze, just like Mr. and Mrs. Avery were now. Then the yelling had started. I could only hope that Mr. and Mrs. Avery wouldn’t yell.
Mr. Avery seemed unable to speak, but Mrs. Avery had better luck. She seemed to be connecting the pieces, figuring there was only one reason I would be telling her this. “Jack’s the father, isn’t he?”
When I nodded, I had been expecting more silence, or maybe even some questions. Instead, I found myself in another tight embrace. This time, though, I couldn’t move. She was hugging me?
“Oh, Melody, I couldn’t be happier!” Her voice broke, and she pulled back. More tears ran down her face and I couldn’t help but wonder if she understood me.
I looked from Mr. Avery to Mrs. Avery, speculating what was going on. Hesitating, I asked, “You’re not mad at me? You’re happy that I, that I…” I couldn’t even bring myself to say it. Instead, I just stood there, dumbfounded while Mrs. Avery smiled from ear to ear.
She leaned forward, grasping my shoulders and looking right in my eyes. “Don’t you see, Melody? My son won’t ever be truly dead! He will live through your child!” Her voice was so full of love and joy that I felt it seeping into my own skin. Maybe there was a brighter outlook to this than I had thought.
Mr. Avery spoke up for the first time. “You just let us know if you need anything at all. Those hospital visits will start getting expensive, and I know you’re mom doesn’t have that much money to spare.”
I looked back and forth between the two, unable to believe what was happening. I had come expecting anger and hate. Instead I was getting love and hope. The hope that maybe I wouldn’t be alone forever. Maybe, just maybe, things wouldn’t stay so terrible.

~~~~~~

“Here he is, Miss Daniels.”
The nurse gently placed my newborn boy in my eager arms. I couldn’t believe how heavy he was. He must have weighed fifteen pounds! The doctor told me it was only eight though.
I wondered if he had been mistaken.
I looked down at the small bundle in my arms. His eyes were open, which surprised me, but the nurse had told me that it was okay, it happened sometimes. They were such a deep blue, they reminded me of Jack’s. I knew it was common for them to change, but I hoped with my whole heart that they wouldn’t. I wanted him to look just like his father, to be the living memory of him.
A name. That’s what I needed. I had a whole list in my head, but the second I saw my son, I knew that they were all too boring. He needed something that would set him apart. He needed a name that would show the world that this was not just an ordinary boy.
The bible story about Samson popped into my mind. I looked down at the bald headed, blue-eyed baby. God gave Samson amazing strength. He had been set apart from the rest of the nation. Sure, he had fallen to sin, but everyone did. People make mistakes all the time. Proof of that was in my arms.
This child, so unexpected but welcome in my life.
“Samson.” I whispered, kissing his forehead. Samson was his name and nothing else.

~~~~~~

My life had been crazy over the past nine months. I had cried a lot, especially when they told me I was going to have a boy. I spent a lot of time at the Avery’s house, discussing the baby. His name, what I was going to do about school, and how I would pay for it all. Each day had been another trial, but I had survived. For so long I had only seen things in shades of black. But it seemed that all the black had faded away, and no all that was left were the bright colors of life.
And I knew, in that moment as I stared at this beautiful creature, that I would be able to survive the rest of my life, even though Jack had been taken away from me. I wasn’t alone. I had God, his parents, my mother, my friends and, now, Samson.
But most of all, I had my memories.